The Marriage You Want: Moving beyond Stereotypes for a Relationship Built on Scripture, New Data, and Emotional Health

In their introduction, the Gregoires commit to teaching "what is healthy, evidence-based, and Biblical." Throughout the book, this is a cornerstone for everything they say, breathing life and hope into an area where so much harm has been done. I really believe what they say about marriage in the book has the ability to redeem Christian marriages into what God calls them to be, bringing hope and life into the church by doing so. I *love* the acronym BARE for a healthy marriage - balance, affection, responsibility, and emotional connection - these themes are explored in the book and point us all to healthy marriage. These themes are also explored more deeply in the Bare Marriage podcast, which is such a wealthy resource for anyone looking to make their marriage healthier. One thing I am so thankful for in this book is that it is the first Christian marriage book I've ever read to be honest about abuse and control dynamics. It doesn't just give one halfhearted disclaimer in the introduction, but, in every chapter, it says, "this is how you can work on a healthy marriage when both people are operating in good faith. But if X or Y is happening, the best marriage book in the world won't help. You can't change an abuser." For too long the church has delayed and avoided this hard truth, and, if we are truly to love as Jesus loved, we need to face it. The hierarchy of needs in chapter 2 is mind-blowing, and completely reframes how we work together - I think this will help so many couples, especially in terms of giving words to concerns you may have that you just can't put a name or label on.